My husband and I went to a marriage conference this past weekend and it was AMAZING. I wanted to blog about it because it's definitely an amazing rekindle of the romance in a marriage.
I have been blessed to be married to my best friend and a man full of integrity. He is humble and kind, and more than I ever thought I'd be able to be blessed with. I am amazed everyday at just how much better my life is with him in it. -- That being said, we are still just like every married couple out there. We have our disagreements and arguments and even fights. You never really understand what it means to be married until you've actually been married. -- And we all say,"DUH.". -- Well I still wouldn't trade being married to my husband for anything, but there are things that we just don't understand about each other.
It's funny how often you can argue and fight about the same thing, explain it to each other over and over again, yet still continue to fight about what you just fought about. I think it has a lot to do with listening but then allowing your pride to get in the way. There are so many times my husband has told me one thing, and in my mind I'm thinking, "really? no...he will get over it one day, until then I will just keep trying to show him that I know better." - We all know how that goes....ladies and gentleman, you will never have a good marriage until you break your pride down quite a few notches and allow someone else to be right. And TRUST me, that is hard to admit.
Before I met Jeff, I was very good at living and controlling my life the way that I saw fit, but when you get married, you truly become "one flesh". You can still make decisions but 99% of the time they are made with your spouse. That gets hard because you don't have full control anymore, you only have half. That was the hardest thing for me. I still struggle with it to this day, but I realize, now, that both my husband and I want what is best for BOTH of us, not just one or the other. You know that saying, Two Hearts become One? That may be a cliche saying, but it's got a lot of truth to it. You cannot function peacefully in a marriage until your heart and his heart become one and vise versa. As soon as you both get on the same page and start working together, you will feel the weight of control, pride, frustration, confusion and so much more be lifted off your shoulders. You'll finally be able to function with peace and joy, realizing that even though things may not go your way, you and your spouse have set out to accomplish the same thing together.
...You know, it's funny because there are times in a marriage where you think you've got it down. You haven't fought for a couple weeks, you are understanding each other and everyone is happy. Then all of a sudden you get into another disagreement about the very thing that you thought you understood. I've come to the conclusion that we will never Not Disagree, but we will always Learn. That being said, sometimes I think it's healthy to hear from another married couple talk about exactly what they go through and what they have learned from each other. I mean, think about it, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY MARRIED COUPLE GOING THROUGH THE DIFFICULTIES OF MARRIAGE. They are everywhere! -- That is why this past weekend was such a great breath of fresh air for my husband and I. Everything that he has been telling me and everything I have been telling him was told to US at our marriage conference.
Every woman needs affection (words of affirmation, hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc.).
Every man needs physical affection (touch, sex).
And those are not bad things! Those are our love languages and those are the things we crave in order to feel loved and be loved. There is so much more that my husband and I learned at the marriage conference, but I'd have to be talking to you for two days....So I want to encourage you to seek counsel from other married couples. Go to marriage conferences, TALK to your spouse.
**Dr. James Merritt is the man and pastor who spoke at our marriage conference. You should look him up online and find out when he is speaking in your area. He is an awesome teacher. He catches you attention, you don't want to fall asleep, he is funny, and even though you know most of what he is teaching, sometimes it makes more sense coming from someone else.
Enjoy your marriage ladies and gentlemen! You only have approx 80 years on this earth, why not make the most of it by enjoying your spouse? You will have more joy and your spouse will feel more loved by you.
